Drowning in the Quarter-life Crisis

When I first came across the term ‘Quarter-life Crisis’ in Ritika Tiwari’s blog, I didn’t know what it meant. As I started digging up more, I began to realize that I might be experiencing it. Wikipedia defines it as a ‘crisis involving anxiety over the direction and quality of one’s life.’ It is most commonly experienced in a period ranging from a person’s twenties up to their mid-thirties (where mid-life crisis awaits us). When I applied the criteria to myself, I satisfied every condition of it—confused of what to do, uncertainty over the future, low in confidence, demotivated, sometimes scared, and failing to control the 1.3kg meat ball placed securely in the cranium.

Quarter-life Crisis is a crisis involving anxiety over the direction and quality of one’s life.

If I look back at how things panned out after my graduation in 2014, I should not be proud. On the eve of my departure from my college, one of my lecturers advised me, “Give the best shot when you are fit.” Did I give my best shot in the prime years of my life? No. Did I screw up every opportunity that came in my way? Probably. As the prime days are passing by, I feel as if I am crippled—cannot go backward and most importantly, don’t know how to move forward. 

What has happened?

1. Lack of Decision Making: Life is full of ifs and buts. Sometimes, the smallest decisions we take has large repercussions. Instead of choosing my career options on what I love, I chose mine by eliminating what I don’t love and started playing the game without knowing the rules. It’s like taking a voyage without a compass—we get caught up in the sea and move around in circles without reaching the destination. 

2. Confusion: I was so volatile that my career choices changed with each passing year. I applied for a journalism course in OU while I was in college, undertook civil services coaching the next year, thought of becoming an interior designer later, secured a seat in in MA-History in HCU but did not join, had the idea of becoming a freelance writer and many more. Even now—I should not say this—I don’t know what to do next. Continue with civil service preparation? Get more experience in writing blog? Prepare for other exams? I hate the phrase, ‘only time will tell’ but that seems the case with me.

3. Repeating the Mistakes: Any sane man with sense learn from his previous mistakes. I am insane—repeated the same mistakes time and again in these four years. Knowing everything to become what we want and not taking a single step to reach there is an incorrigible crime.

 

What’s the crisis?

Sometimes, I feel like I don’t know what to do next or what to do in life. The fact that I am over 25 and not even have a strong career plan haunts me. I am unable to set a proper goal and work hard towards realizing it. It’s like wandering in a desert searching for an oasis. You can imagine the chances. 

Sometimes, I get a feeling that I am alone though surrounded by friends. I am lucky to have great friends and family but the time in which we are living creates such situations where our voice cannot pass the mouth. Stomach drags my vocal cords back, intestines choke my neck and in a short time, I feel myself suffocating.

Sometimes, I feel scared. The prospect of leading my life to the whims and wishes of circumstances is soul-sucking. Though I cannot control what’s happening around me, falling into the trap of vicious cycle of working and commuting frightens me.

Sometimes, I feel like keeping the books at bay. I never had an aversion to books but I am in such a phase where they seem like my long forgotten friends. 

Sometimes, I stare at the ceiling for hours, roam the roads, sit on a bus-stop bench and dissolve myself. The time between lying on the bed and sleeping is horrible, with all the thoughts pecking the brain. Waking up and realizing that nothing new is going to happen that day is even more dreadful.

Sometimes, I feel like running away from all the questions or problems that stalk me, screaming out to the world till the lungs bulge. But wherever I go, they will find and drag me back to the same place.

Sometimes, along with the serious stuff, some foolish questions engulf my brain: If I get a job, what if the work location is in another state? What if I could only meet my parents two or three times a year? Should I have to live in metros where people draw circles and live in them? Once married, how to tackle the extra responsibility with meager resources? 

What now?

Am I into depression? No.

 

I took a very risk-free path, hoping that all the affairs would settle someday but never worked hard enough to keep the affairs risk free. In short, I could not come out of college, where I could clear the exams with minimum effort—just enough to pass. But that doesn’t work out in real life. With ever increasing competition, it requires a Herculean effort to make it to the merit list. 

Reading self-help books and watching motivational videos is good but failing to put their principles into practice is unacceptable. This is where I hate my indiscipline. Denzel Washington said in a video, “Goals cannot be achieved without discipline and consistency,” I failed to maintain both.

It’s over 4 years since my graduation. I would be a fool if I say that I learned nothing. But I need to mend my mind, which cannot concentrate on one particular thing for long, to find my way back. Recipe is the same, I just need to execute it perfectly.

Experts say that it’s normal to have this crisis, especially with the millennial or z or boomerang generation. It has become a social issue now and many are coping with it. It’s good to feel confused sometimes. It encourages us to find our way back. There’s no need to worry for being alone. It’s not a crime to ask for help. Though it scares a bit, it motivates us to think clearly and take a push at what we love. Here’s an image I found on Google explaining the different phases of quarter-life crisis. Hope it helps others who are going through this crisis.

Ciao Adios!